I’ve been so frustrated with myself lately. I have all this potential and I cannot use it. I want to tell myself to just “snap out of it” or “get over it”. If that would work, I would do it. I then remembered something my T told me: “Mental illness is real”.
Sometimes even the people with a mental illness forget that they have it. Most of us think and feel like anyone else. We have hopes and dreams, strengths and weakness, goals and aspirations. Our illness is invisible to others and sometimes ourselves. It’s frustrating to watch overs build their lives while we struggle with how to get through today. But we forget: we have an illness. This is not our choice. We are not simply being lazy. We are fighting our minds, as well as, trying to survive within this world.
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be able to achieve my goals. I would love to be an architect, but how? How do I manage college, internship, and a job? How will I manage the responsibilities and stress? I am terrified of groups of people. I have only been able to leave my house for the past two years. But being in a new environment, surrounded by strangers, having to concentrate on the lectures, and cope with my anxiety and depression. It all just seems so overwhelming.
Imagine you can have your dream job. You have can get your education for free, a paid internship, and a job as soon as you graduate. It’s guaranteed. And you do have the intelligence and social skill to succeed at your dream job. But your depression makes you feel exhausted, causes crying spells and suicidal thoughts. The anxiety overwhelms you and causes you to feel weak, dizzy, nauseous.
It’s not fair to suffer from mental illness. Society adapts to people’s physical disabilities, but not to mental disabilities. Don’t we also have to right to pursue our dreams? To purse happiness? To live a full and prosperous life? To have a quality of life at best?